i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We left the knife in your bed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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