STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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