hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
being pregnant is like rehab
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
