fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am one with the molecules
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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