You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
