I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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