tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just invented taco cereal.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
