Soap is not a condiment
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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