Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
