It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
