WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
