Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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