What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
