My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
