He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
thus making me awesome and them whores
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
