pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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