IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
