so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
