i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
