Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
