I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
