i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
