The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
