This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
