So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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