It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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