I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
