actually, I'm a sock model
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
