Sry I called you an 8
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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