The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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