3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
