Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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