32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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