like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
