So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
