but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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