I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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