There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This baby is an asshole
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
false alarm, still single
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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