Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
