Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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