1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
