I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Randomize
