i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
