just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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