Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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