I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
