The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
