We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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