She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
