If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
