I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
