I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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