I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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