i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
